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DAILY GRUNT CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE: A 1957 SEDAN. THIS
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CAR IS IN A
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CONDITION. IT WAS FORMERLY OWNED BY A
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SCHOOL TEACHER WHO ALWAYS DROVE IT
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0
THERE IS A
4
11
IN THE BACK SEAT. IT HAS A CHROME
12
ON THE HOOD, A
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PAINT JOB,
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TIRES AND THE BACK OPENS INTO A
7
13
0
WILL CONSIDER TAKING A SLIGHTLY USED
14
IN TRADE.
LOST: IN THE VICINITY OF
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,
A
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FRENCH POODLE WITH
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HAIR AND A
10
2
TAIL. IT ANSWERS TO THE NAME OF
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0
WHEN LAST SEEN IT WAS CARRYING A
15
IN ITS MOUTH. A
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REWARD IS OFFERED.
3
AN ADULT WESTERN
TEX
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, THE MARSHAL OF
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CITY RODE INTO TOWN. HE SAT
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IN HIS SADDLE, READY FOR TROUBLE. HE KNEW THAT HIS
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ENEMY,
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THE KID WAS IN TOWN. THE KID WAS IN LOVE WITH TEX'S HORSE,
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0
SUDDENLY THE KID CAME OUT OF THE
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NUGGET SALOON.
"DRAW TEX," HE YELLED
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0
TEX REACHED FOR HIS
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,
BUT BEFORE HE COULD GET IT OUT OF HIS
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THE KID FIRED, HITTING TEX IN THE
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AND THE
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0
4
AS TEX FELL HE PULLED OUT HIS OWN
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AND SHOT THE KID
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TIMES IN THE
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0
THE KID DROPPED IN A POOL OF
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0
"
27
"
TEX SAID, "I HATED TO DO IT
BUT HE WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE
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0
"
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ARMY AD
IF YOU PLAN ON JOINING THE ARMY, HERE ARE SOME
6
HINTS THAT WILL HELP YOU BECOME A
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SOLDIER.
THE ARMY IS MADE UP OF OFFICERS, NON-COMS, AND
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S.
YOU CAN RECOGNIZE AN OFFICER BY THE
12
S
ON HIS
13
AND THE FUNNY LOOKING
19
S
ON HIS
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0
WHEN YOU ADDRESS AN OFFICER, ALWAYS SAY
14
AND SAY IT
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0
IF YOU GET A
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HAIRCUT, KEEP YOUR
15
S
SHINED, AND SEE THAT YOUR
16
6
IS CLEAN AT ALL TIMES, YOU WILL BE A CREDIT TO THE SLOGAN:
THE ARMY BUILDS BETTER
17
S.
AT ROLL CALL, WHEN THE
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SERGEANT CALLS YOUR NAME, SHOUT
"
27
"
LOUD AND CLEAR.
YOU WILL BECOME FAMILIAR WITH WEAPONS LIKE THE .30 CALIBRE
18
AND THE AUTOMATIC
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0
FOLLOW THIS ADVICE AND YOU MAY WIN THE......
**********
7
CONDUCT
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**********
JOIN THE
11
S
WHO JOIN THE ARMY!!
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SHARK STORY
28
26
PUT ON HIS
15
AS HE PREPARED TO CATCH THE
5
7
SHARK.
NEXT, HE CHECKED THE
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TO SEE THAT THE
6
18
WAS WORKING
22
0
AFTER HE PUT ON HIS LAST
3
20
,
HE DIVED INTO THE
25
,
AND STARTED LOOKING FOR THE
1
SHARK.
HE SWAM
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INTO THE DARKNESS.
SUDDENLY, THE SHARK CAME OUT OF A
13
AND ATTACKED
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!!
BUT
28
WAS TOO
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FOR THIS
4
SHARK, AND PULLED HIS
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OUT OF THE
14
8
AND SCARED THE
8
THING AWAY!
WHEN
28
SAW THAT THE SHARK HAD SWAM
21
AWAY, HE SWAM FOR THE SURFACE.
"
27
"
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SAID, "I ALMOST GOT KILLED!!"
AND THEN HE CLIMBED OUT OF THE BATHTUB.
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ALL-GOO FACE CREAM
AND NOW, LADIES AND
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S
,
AN IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL MESSAGE FROM OUR
17
,
THE MANUFACTURER OF NEW, IMPROVED ALL-GOO, THE FACE CREAM FOR
WOMEN OVER
30
0
ALL-GOO CONTAINS A NEW
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INGREDIENT CALLED "HEXA-MONE" WHICH IS MADE FROM DISTILLED
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JUICE.
IF YOU RUB ALL-GOO ON YOUR
13
EVERY EVENING, YOUR COMPLEXION WILL LOOK AS
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AS A DAISY.
THE FAMOUS HOLLYWOOD STAR,
28
26
,
SAYS:
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"I USE ALL-GOO EVERY DAY, AND MY COMPLEXION IS ALWAYS
6
AND MY
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S
ALWAYS HAVE A YOUTHFUL GLOW."
YES, ALL-GOO IS THE
4
CREAM OF THE STARS.
REMEMBER, IF YOU WANT A SOFTER, SMOOTHER
14
GET ALL-GOO IN THE HANDY
30
POUND SIZE AT YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD
12
STORE.
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WATER BED COMPLAINT
BUST-A-BUTTON AND DUCK DEPT. STORE
DIX HILLS, NEW YORK
DEAR SIRS:
LAST WEEK I PURCHASED A
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CONTOUR WATER BED IN YOUR STORE.
I GOT IT ESPECIALLY FOR MY
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HUSBAND WHO SLEEPS VERY
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AND SAYS THAT
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WATER BEDS THAT HAVE
11
S
IN THEM MAKE HIS
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ACHE.
WHEN THE BED ARRIVED MY HUSBAND TESTED IT
22
AND SAID THE
8
15
WAS BENT AND KEPT PRESSING INTO HIS
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0
HE SAYS THIS COULD LEAD TO A
10
12
CONDITION OF THE
18
0
I WOULD LIKE TO EXCHANGE THIS
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BED FOR ONE THAT WILL ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO SLEEP
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AND WON'T MAKE HIS
20
SORE.
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YOURS,
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26